Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
