I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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