we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
