My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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