I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize