If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
