$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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