is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize