I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
