If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
