I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
