The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
