Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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