He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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