My underwear smells like fireworks.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
