paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Someone shit on the floor
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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