FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
