He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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