You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize