I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
