I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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