false alarm. still invincible.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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