why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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