where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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