she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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