i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
