somebody snuck up and got me drunk
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
