Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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