I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
