Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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