Who wears a wallet chain?!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
