I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i dont even know how to be here
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
