How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
