Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
