idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
