I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
