Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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