our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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