i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
