his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
