hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
