new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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