Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
