I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
