I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
