I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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