hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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