is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
