Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
