Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
