Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I look better un-naked...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
