I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
