you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
