rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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