I accidentally had phone sex last night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it glows. i had to have it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
