areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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