I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
