3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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