Can i not drive my cunt home
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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