ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
