i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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