I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize