I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
