Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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