I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
