you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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