Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
