i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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