maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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