I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I believe in your delicious
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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