so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
