Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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