you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
