he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
