I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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