so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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