When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
