plz talk dirty to me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
