If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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