1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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