so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
