I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
