my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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