You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
two words: eviction party
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
