her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
