i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
