but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
