were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize