Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
