Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
