You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
