people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
