I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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