I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
