Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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