i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
