Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
