maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
