omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have post one night stand depression
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