around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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