I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
