I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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